For the love of people
This past week I had the shock that an acquaintance of ours passed over a month prior. I walked around the house in a bit of daze. He wasn’t one of my dearest friends. He was barely a friend at all. The beginning of a friendship that was as unlikely as one can imagine. He was crude. He was opinionated. He was arrogant. Yet, I found some of his statements tender and child-like. Some small brief window I had the fortunate blessing to encounter.
See I set out to elevate some of my local artists in my own strange and unprovoked way - I made a list and decided to ‘interview’ them. Of course, I started with my love as he was a clear first choice and, and barely crossed the line of prototype and kink unraveler. I then started down my list...Vanessa, this beautiful belly-dancer whose art is filled with composure, seduction and well-being. And then Peter.
Peter had to be arm-wrestled. He was not being interviewed as an ‘artist’. He knows what art is and what he does is merely abide by specific rules to achieve the desired outcome of a delicious dish. I argued, albeit brief, that all art has rules that are followed and some artists are better at following the rules. Those rule-knowing artists also know exactly when they can break certain rules and create something unusually pleasing. Hence, he was an artist. He complied.
I stood in front of Anna’s, his restaurant that, while not owned by him, had turned into a refined beauty which refused refinement. Somewhat like him. I was nervous. If you ever met Peter you either love him or hate him. Most people were on the latter. I’m not going to go into detail about my interview..as that is long over-due to be placed on my website in its due time. What I want to think about is friendship, trust and uncertainty.
Friendship, trust and uncertainty do not happen when you are complacent. They are like adding bricks to your wall in the house you are building. You layer, add mortar, and brick by brick you get a wall. Its mindless work, kinda. You don’t need to put too much mental energy in. Actually brick walls don’t really need a blueprint. Do they? It’s easy to keep piling bricks up higher and higher.
Brick walls do not breathe. Brick walls can be cold. Brick walls kill creativity and curiosity. On one hand they are opaque and untrustworthy. You can’t see through them. What is on the other side? Yet on the other hand, their existence make us comfortable and safe. Sturdy and uniform. Incapable of being something else.
What does any of this have to do with friendship, trust and uncertainty? I’m all about metaphors to understand complex things. Like thinking that when building a friendship it is much like building a brick wall. Brick on brick on brick. Each new encounter, conversation, experience with someone will add a brick to your friendship wall or remove it. Yes, remove it. Trust is the removal bit.
Peter trusted me to take his words and not use them against him, exploit them or change them. I, alone, hold our conversation as a brick to our potential friendship-wall.
And then the wall collapsed. Uncertainty. Nothing is for sure. We will all die someday. Peter left me with my brick. My solo brick without a place to build. Life is so delicate and precious and beautiful and unknown. I now have the weight of regret. My interview was in May of 2021. Not completely unrealistic that I didn’t get done what I set out to do...as it was a busy year. Hindsight is not anything I want to experience. He would have been so difficult to impress or please. He may have even bah-humbug’d my attempt. For sure, he would have. I’m equally as sure he would have helped me set that brick in our wall..cursing, ridiculing and laughing the whole time.