In an argument to determine who is stronger, the wind and sun agree to try and get a traveler to remove his coat. The wind goes first and blows with all his might, which, of course, causes the traveler to pull his coat more tightly around him. The sun, however, pities the traveler and comes out from behind the cloud to warm him. The traveler becomes warm enough to remove his coat. Moral of Aesop “Kindness effects more than severity.”

Even as a child I understood this story. In fact, I remember my sister told me once “You get more bees to honey than to vinegar.” This took me longer to understand, but I have tried to incorporate those sentiments into my personal dealings with, uh, humans. Ok, all living creatures where applicable.

And then you meet the person who is always right. The person who has a simply hard time accepting any responsibility when they make a mistake. The person who just cannot admit they could be wrong. I’m sure we have probably all, at some point, known this frustration of talking to someone who is “never wrong”. How does one even begin to reason with someone like this? Even in situations where there is irrefutable evidence, this person continues to insist that he (oops, or she) is right. Or if backed into a corner, an “always right” person may even insist that their behavior (or words) was a justified response. Basically, yes I am wrong but it really isn’t my fault because of X, Y, and Z.

Who likes to admit to being wrong. But guess what, most of us eventually have to. So what makes the people who cannot or will not admit to being wrong different from the rest of us?

I started thinking about this because of my own frustration dealing with someone who insist on always being right. For me, the worst thing about having a conflict with this person is that since he is "always right" then I always have to be wrong.

While it may take me some well deserved reflection to recognize that I’ve made a mistake (wink wink), I at least take that extra time and reflect. Could I have made this mistake? I consider my words and actions. If I see that I’ve done something wrong then I admit it. I try and apologize and identify what I need to do to avoid doing it again. You would think, or perhaps it’s just me, that this is common sense. Ah, not so young jedi knight.

So I wanted to know why it is so difficult for some people to admit they are wrong. How does one pull someone into the force? I am still wrestling with this answer. Yet, to have an answer one must fully understand all the algebraic symbols in the formula. After doing some research, it became clear that different people have different reasons for being “always right”. This list is by no means exhaustive. And that much of our behavior is behavior we learned in childhood. Did I mention that this list is not exhaustive.

1) Denial as defense. I think some of these people insist on being right unconsciously. This denial of any wrongdoing is a defense mechanism that kicks in auto-magically whenever there is a threat. Defending their egos they protect their self-worth. Perhaps this person is a perfectionist and this would mean they made a mistake. Perhaps they do not want to be thought of as stupid or - worse, worthless. Denial is their way to put up their shield to any threat to their identities.

2) Free from consequences. Maybe the mistake was honest or intentional, but either way, getting caught could mean some undesirable consequences.

3) Follow the force. There are, plain and simple, those people who are just strictly out to manipulate. They can find the “right” in just about anything as long as it benefits them. It can only be wrong if it causes themselves personal discomfort. Motivation is to get what they want and if you are dealing with this type of “always right” individual - walk away. They have an alternate version of reality and the endearing nature of their words will pull you into their space. They are that good.

4) Saving face. Actually, I think this ties into #1.

The wind and the sun? Oh yea, power, or perceived power. Admitting you are wrong knocks you down a little in the perceived power play that pulls humans together. I wonder if Aesop considered humbling the wind and offering up a gracious, “Wow, sun. You were right. Kindness over force. I get it.”

Why am I even thinking about this? As a designer I get to be on both sides of a critique daily. In normal life...partner, mom, friend, person in a community... I think it’s a critical skill for everyone: to critique and be critiqued.

Having someone look at your work benefits the person whose work is being evaluated by pointing out things that may not be obvious to the original designer. Perhaps a different perspective, possibility of new ideas or aide in a design’s shortcomings. It also benefits the person that is evaluating the design: inspiration, learning, and not to forget the value of networking.

No positive evaluation can happen if someone has to be always right.